I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
