I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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