1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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