i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
