I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
