Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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