Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
