I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
