Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
