Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
