We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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