I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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