weddingsv make me drug and hornr
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
