fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
