Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
