If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
