She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
