After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
