your thong is hanging out like whoa
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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