when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
