dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize