i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
