I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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