Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
