I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
