dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
