Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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