I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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