these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
