I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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