His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize