I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
