my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
