Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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