I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
