Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
