so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I want to be your penis for a week.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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