dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
