My room smells like vodka and shame
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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