Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Even my vagina gasped.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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