the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
