you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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