Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
