thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
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tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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