If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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