My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bring me that man meat
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
