upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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