can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
