He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
