it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i barfeds in our rink
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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