singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
