I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
