my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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