Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The Olympian is in my bed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
