Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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