So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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