I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
