I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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