i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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