Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
