We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
