No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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