I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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