Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
A+ Viking dick
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
