I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
