happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
