Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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