Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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