I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
