my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
