I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So vagazzling was a success
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
