In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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