And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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